That the Russian Orthodox Church is an extension of the government is a truth universally acknowledged, as Jane Austin would say.
Moreover, considering the CVs of all its top hierarchs, including Patriarch Kiril, one can pinpoint the exact slot into which the Church fits within the governmental structure: the KGB.
When this organisation still went by that testosteronal name, His Holiness (then head of the Church’s foreign affairs) had a codename ‘Agent Mikhailov’. This appears in numerous KGB reports, each invariably ending with a pat on Agent Mikhailov’s back: “the assignment was successfully completed.”
However, none of those assignments was as important as the Patriarch’s present mission. Agent Mikhailov’s assignment today is to link Christianity with today’s government, or, to personalise the task, Jesus Christ with Vlad Putin.
As a theologian, the patriarch is aware of certain differences between the two: Jesus was an hypostasis of God, but Vlad is at this stage only semi-divine, although he too is an hypostasis – of the KGB junta running the country.
But this problem isn’t insurmountable for someone who, in addition to the Orthodox catechism, is well-versed in Marxist dialectics.
As part of the job, Kiril must do a St Matthew and trace back Putin’s genealogy, a task simplified by the lamentable, yet indisputable, fact that Vlad was made, not begotten. Meaning, to translate from the ecclesiastical, that both his Mum and Dad were human beings, each complete with a birth certificate and CV.
Establishing Vlad’s spiritual lineage is trickier, and it’s Kiril’s expertise in doing so that makes him a model KGB prelate.
Here the desired parallel with Jesus begins to break down. God is eternal, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. Vlad can, at a stretch, claim the last three distinctions but not the first – he had a human Dad and he also had spiritual predecessors.
His Holiness’s KGB assignment was formulated in terse terms leaving no room for interpretation: Lenin begat Stalin, Stalin – skipping a few intermediate steps – begat Putin. For ever and ever, amen.
Therefore Stalin must be without sin, even as Putin is without sin. Whatever Kiril’s ostensible subject may be, that is the message of every sermon delivered by His Holiness ex cathedra or otherwise.
It’s in this context that the speech he made on 4 November must be understood. As you read the Patriarch’s ringing words, notice the distinctly Nazi vocabulary His Holiness chose:
“Today’s Russia would not exist without the heroism of the previous generations who in the 20s and 30s not only tilled the land, although that too was important, but were also creating industry, science, the country’s military might. [The virtue of a leader in charge at the time] cannot be doubted even if said leader committed evil acts. Where he showed will, strength, intellect, political resolve, we point out his indisputable successes…” And where he murdered tens of millions we rebuke him with filial deference.
Leni Riefenstahl, where are you when we need you? Can’t you just see it?
Black and white footage, with the set lit only by a torch held high above Vlad’s muscular torso. The title comes on: The Triumph of Will, Strength, Intellect and Political Resolve. Cut to a giant double portrait of Stalin and Putin projected onto a cloud. Background music segues from the Horst Wessel Lied to the Russian anthem.
Just imagining such a scene brings tears to my eyes, but not so much as to obscure the obvious: never in history has any church suffered as much as the Russian Orthodox Church suffered under Stalin and his precursor Lenin.
Millions of parishioners apart, at least 40,000 priests were shot in the first few post-revolutionary years, and in many instances ‘shot’ was a figure of speech. Priests of all ranks, from bishop down, were horrendously tortured, quartered, burned alive, crucified, castrated, turned into pillars of ice by having water poured over them in -40 weather, flayed alive – well, you get the picture.
In 1937-1938 alone, 80 per cent of the episcopate were culled, accompanied by the lesser ranks. Come the war, the Church, now slimmed down and house-trained, happily blessed Stalin, sanctifying him as the nation’s Saviour.
By establishing apostolic succession, the Patriarch made sure that some of that sainthood would rub off on Putin. This at a time when Russian churches bless icons of Stalin and put them up next to the Virgin and St Nicholas – and when school textbooks describe Stalin as an able administrator, occasionally strict but always fair.
Bugles are blowing and drums are rattling all over Russia, with Nazi-style vocabulary muscling in on the language of state propaganda, otherwise known as the Russian press.
Putin is doing his bit by striking the poses of antique semi-naked gods, displaying his prowess at martial arts, diving to great depths and otherwise auditioning for a role in a Leni Riefenstahl film.
The Patriarch appears in a supporting role, and, though his part is important, he won’t be allowed to upstage the leader. But to see a major Christian prelate acting as Dr Goebbels and even sounding like him is painful, wouldn’t you say?