Our precocious prince

If anyone doubts the innate genetic superiority of an English royal over a Swedish commoner, just look at the Queen’s great-grandson George.

If Greta Thunberg had to wait until puberty to develop profound insights into the catastrophic future awaiting our planet, Prince George has reached that landmark at a prepubescent age of eight.

If his grandpa Charles is to be believed, little George already knows “how climate change is causing the big storms, and floods, the droughts, fires and food shortages we are seeing around the world.”

Since this last one represents a complete reversal of the hitherto directly proportional historical link between warm climate and abundant food, George has made a discovery of a kind reserved in the past for distinguished members of the Royal Society.

In another shake of a thoroughbred’s tail, he is going to learn that climate change also causes a high inflation rate, increase in the sovereign debt, growing incidence of cancer, divorces in the Royal Family, political repression in China, our PM’s roving eye, Donald Trump and just about everything else anyone could possibly find objectionable.

And then he’s guaranteed to vouchsafe his revelations to an eagerly awaiting world direct, without his grandpa’s mediation. Greta Thunberg, eat your heart out. You’re too long in the tooth, lass.

With his characteristic safe-effacing modesty, George’s grandpa admitted: “When I was his age, people had no idea about the damage they were doing, but by the time I was a teenager I started to see that if we didn’t stop polluting our planet, we would face a very dangerous future indeed.” So George beat Charles to wisdom by at least five years. Well done, dear!

Displaying a common touch that’s de rigueur for our publicity-conscious royals, George, according to his daddy, collects rubbish near his school in Battersea. When rubbish appears in the same place the next day, little George becomes “confused and annoyed”.

Since Tyburn Hill no longer functions in its former capacity, one can understand the prince’s annoyance at both the litterbugs and his own impotence. But perhaps his granddaddy could plant an idea in his evidently receptive mind that the rubbish could be recycled into environmentally responsible fuel for the fleet of the Palace’s Daimlers.

Since those vehicles otherwise leave a large carbon footprint, the more rubbish, the better. Littering, in other words, could be good for our planet, especially if the rubbish is anointed by a princely hand. If that’s not a bright example of turning a negative into a positive, I don’t know what is.

At his tender age, George could be easily persuaded that rubbish collection should be his career aspiration – especially since, with the advent of this new generation of royals, the day job may not exist when George is old enough to do it.