Mr Duke, meet Mr Corbyn

Hatred of Jews makes for natural bedfellows. It’s that common denominator to which all the scum of the world is reduced – as new accolades for Jeremy show.

We all like to have our innermost thoughts endorsed by intelligent and accomplished people. Hence, when publishers submit my books to peer review, I only pretend to protest (“I’m peerless” is the usual tongue-in-cheek line).

I did protest for real, however, when a publisher wanted to have my book peer-reviewed by the Stalinist historian Eric Hobsbawm. “I wouldn’t shake his hand,” I said, “and I certainly don’t value his judgement.”

That’s why I sympathise with Jeremy, whose heart-felt sentiments about the Jews have been warmly endorsed by such authorities on the subject as David Duke, ex-Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, and Nick Griffin, former head of the British National Party, both convicted felons.

I can just see Jeremy mutter “With friends like these…” Indeed, in any normal political environment, an endorsement from such odious figures would spell a kiss of death, although I’m not sure a) how normal our political environment is and b) to what extent Comrade Jeremy appreciates such niceties.

Jeremy won those plaudits for his 2013 speech in which he, in common with most virulent anti-Semites, used the words ‘Zionists’ and ‘Jews’ interchangeably, the trick I remember well from the Soviet papers of my youth.

Now I know Jews who aren’t Zionists and Zionists who aren’t Jews. I’m sure so does Jeremy, but he doesn’t let empirical evidence interfere with the call of his heart.

Then again, unlike Jeremy and his peers, most people believe that the Holocaust did happen. That being the case, even chaps who can’t contain their anti-Semitism in public stop short of denouncing Jews qua Jews, correctly perceiving that this would be in rather poor taste.

However, referring to Jews as Zionists opens the floodgates: Zionism is an ideology, and therefore open to criticism. Yet it’s not, in civilised society, open to suggestions that Zionists drink the blood of Christian babies as their beverage of choice. I know it’s a fine line, Jeremy, but it shouldn’t be crossed.

Now that we’ve established that anti-Semitism is impervious to empirical evidence, let’s also agree that it’s equally immune to reason. Jeremy, who, truth to tell, isn’t the brightest spark on any subject, proved that by explaining what’s wrong with Jews… sorry, Zionists.

The trouble with Zionists, aka Jews, explained Jeremy, is that “they don’t study history and, having lived in this country for a very long time, probably all their lives, they don’t understand English irony”.

Even Jeremy would have realised how stupid that sounded had he given himself the trouble to think about it for a second. After all, Jewish scripture, which we call the Old Testament, is to a large extent an account of Jewish history.

Hence one can say that Jews are perhaps the only people who are doctrinally obligated to study ancient history. And, having acquired that habit in childhood, they naturally segue into indulging an interest in more modern history as well.

Jeremy’s other charge is just as idiotic – or would be if his brain, rather than his viscera, had been engaged. For Jews are more capable of irony, including self-irony, than just about anyone else in the world – with the possible exception of the English, who could claim parity.

That’s why the stand-up comedy scene in the US is dominated by Jews, and, though that’s not quite the case in Britain, here too Jews are disproportionately represented among comedians.

Off the top, one could mention such illustrious practitioners of the genre as Bernie Manning, Ron Moody, Peter Sellers, Marty Feldman, Alexei Sayle, Sacha Baron Cohen, Matt Lucas, David Baddiel – just tell me when to stop.

If anything, one could more readily accuse Jews of overusing irony, but that’s a normal defence mechanism for people who used to live in countries where the attitudes now championed by Messrs Duke, Griffin and Corbyn were the norm.

When Jeremy made those incisive comments, he was sharing the podium with a Palestinian terrorist, whose sense of irony Jeremy contrasted favourably with anything Jews could muster – and that’s even though English wasn’t his first language.

Not having had the pleasure of meeting that gentleman, I’m in no position to dispute Jeremy’s assessment of his talent for irony. On general principle, however, one suspects that the most ironical statements he has ever uttered are “Death to America!”, “Kill all Jews!” and “Allahu akbar!”. But I may be wrong.

Unlike, in Mr Duke’s expert opinion, Jeremy. Commenting on Jeremy’s proposals to end what he called the “stranglehold of elite power and billionaire [Jewish, if you require a translation] domination over large parts of our media”, Mr Duke tweeted: “He’s right, you know.”

Mr Griffin added his penny’s worth of encouragement too: “Go Jezza!” He will, Nick, take my word for it. No antidote for the venom of anti-Semitism exists, especially when it’s coming out of a man’s ears.

I may be maligning my friend Jeremy. Rather than being a cretinous bigot, he just may be the smartest political operator out there.

His anti-Semitism may be a clever ploy to deflect public attention from his economic policies, which, if enacted, would beggar Britain in a matter of weeks. Actually, scratch that.

If Jeremy is ever elected PM, Britain would be beggared even before he moved his cherished Trotsky portrait to 10 Downing Street. Foreign investors would all leave instantly, fearing likely nationalisation.

Perhaps, having analysed the situation with the benefit of his gigantic intellect, Jeremy decided that it would be better if his detractors spent their slings and arrows on his anti-Semitism. This would act as a useful smokescreen for his other ideas, which otherwise wouldn’t stand a moment’s scrutiny.

As an aside, it’s interesting that Jeremy’s new friends David and Nick are described as far right. Yet Jeremy, as even his friends would agree, is undeniably far left.

There’s something terribly wrong with our political taxonomy if they are seen as occupying opposite ends of the spectrum. But that’s a separate subject.