Having previously served as Minister of State for Culture in Blair’s government, David Lammy was appointed Shadow Foreign Secretary in 2009.
“At a time when Britain is recasting itself on the world stage, I look forward to setting out Labour’s vision for a values-led foreign policy based on cooperation and internationalism,” announced Mr Lammy on his appointment.
What kind of values would they be, minister? That question doubtless was on many lips, and Mr Lammy set out to provide a lighthearted answer by appearing on Celebrity Mastermind just a few days later.
Now, if his goal was to re-emphasise his credentials in both culture and foreign affairs, not to mention such less recondite disciplines as arithmetic, that stint was only a qualified success.
Oh well, let’s forget understatement. Lammy’s appearance was in fact rather embarrassing, and not just for him personally.
Asked what was the surname of the married scientists Marie and Pierre who won the Nobel Prize for physics in 1903 for their research into radiation, Mr Lammy answered: “Antoinette”.
One should single out the salient points of this reply. First, our former Culture Minister thought Marie Antoinette was still around in the 20th century, busily working on research into radiation.
That means he didn’t have a clue who she was and, by inference, was ignorant of the key events in French history. This is a double whammy for his nous in both culture and foreign affairs. In that context, it’s even superfluous to mention Mr Lammy’s ignorance of the basic history of science – every schoolboy should have heard of Pierre and Marie Curie.
Another question on a related subject was: “Which fortress was built in the 1370s to defend one of the Gates of Paris and was later used as a state prison by Cardinal Richelieu?” “Versailles,” answered the former Culture Minister. His knowledge of geography was as sound as that of history: Versailles is in Paris, as far as Mr Lammy was concerned, and he had never heard of the Bastille.
He then opined that it was Red Leicester rather than Stilton that was the usual cheese to accompany port, but that’s excusable. Mr Lammy is a Labour politician after all, and his unfamiliarity with ‘posh’ tastes must have appealed to his core support.
The same excuse could have worked for his not knowing that the highest gallery of theatre seats is called ‘the gods’. Only the toffs know such arcana, and a Labour politician can’t come across as a toff even if he is, which Mr Lammy isn’t.
However, he was running out of excuses. Asked who succeeded Henry VIII on the English throne at the age of nine, Mr Lammy answered: “Henry VII”. That showed his unwavering commitment to equality: Mr Lammy was equally ignorant of French and English history.
Still, even if he had never heard of Edward VI, he should have sensed intuitively that VII was unlikely to succeed VIII, on general grounds. That knowledge could have been picked up in kindergarten, even if that was the last level of Mr Lammy’s education, which it wasn’t.
But never mind ancient history or indeed arithmetic. The next question dealt with events only six years prior to Mr Lammy’s tour de force, and they had immediate relevance to his foreign policy remit: “Which country’s so-called ‘Rose Revolution’ of 2003 led to the resignation of its president Eduard Shevardnadze?”
Mr Lammy nominated Yugoslavia for that role, a year after Georgia had been attacked by Russia in an attempt to quash the very revolution that the Shadow Foreign Secretary had evidently never heard of. Even so, he should have known that Shevardnadze could only be a Georgian name, but that’s a minor matter, comparatively speaking.
Moving across the Atlantic, Mr Lammy didn’t know that Purple Heart was the American military decoration for those wounded in action. That sort of thing may upset our sensitive American cousins enough to ruin the special relationship, provided Mr Lammy is familiar with the term. (No big deal if he isn’t; it’s quite meaningless these days.)
One might think that Mr Lammy’s educational credentials included nothing but the School of Hard Knockers followed by Screw U. Well, one might think wrong.
He attended The King’s School, Peterborough, founded by Henry VIII, who was then succeeded by Henry VII. After studying law at the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London, Mr Lammy was called to the bar in 1994. He then became the first black Briton to study at Harvard Law School, where he received a Master of Laws degree.
This raises questions not only about Mr Lammy but also about the educational standards at those venerable institutions. But such inquiries will have to wait until we’ve contemplated the more urgent matters.
For this year Shadow has been removed from his title – Mr Lammy is now in charge of Britain’s foreign policy. He thus takes his place in the roll call of his impressive predecessors: Castlereagh, Canning, Palmerston, Salisbury, Grey, Curzon, Balfour, Eden, Bevin – and I’m sure I’ve left quite a few out.
These men gave Britain a prominent place in the world’s political geography, but not all of them were equally accomplished. However, I’m willing to bet that none of them would have been defeated by questions coming out of a school primer. And I’m sure all of them knew that VIII came after VII, not the other way around.
Do let’s concede that a TV quiz show isn’t the right testing ground for a foreign secretary. Generally speaking, not knowing much trivia shouldn’t be held against Mr Lammy. Specifically speaking, however…
Let’s be kind and call him not uneducated but differently educated. He did answer correctly a question involving Oprah Winfrey, which would have made me search in vain for a friend to call who might know who on earth she was. Let’s be even kinder and allow that in the intervening 15 years our Foreign Secretary has learned that Marie-Antoinette and her hubby Pierre didn’t win the Nobel Prize for physics.
Having got kindness out of the way, now let’s be realistic. Let’s use Mr Lammy as the starting point of inductive extrapolation into the level of the people who run the country.
So here’s another Mastermind question: Where and how are they going to run Britain? Answers: A. Aground. B. Into the ground. C. In circles. D. Rugged. E. For the hills.
If you need to call a friend, I’m available. But whatever you do, don’t call David Lammy.
The suggestion that Mr Lammy may not be well-equipped mentally seems not unlikely to be more or less true. But I would not rely on his failure in a quiz show for that, unfortunately. In my day I obtained the best Honours degree in my subject in London University. But both at school and in later life, enrolled into quiz shows, I failed miserably, being quite unable to produce the right answer, even when I certainly knew it.