Isn’t diversity grand?

As founder, president and so far the only member of the Charles Martel Society for Diversity, I’m happy to see that London is making giant strides towards multiculturalism.

Yesterday a convoy of cars tastefully decorated with Palestinian flags drove through the Jewish areas of North London. Defying the naysayers who claim Muslims can’t be properly integrated, the drivers and passengers displayed an impeccable command of colloquial English.

They were yelling: “Fuck Jews… Fuck their mothers, fuck their daughters and show your support for Palestine. Rape their daughters and we send a message like that. Please do it for the poor children in Gaza.”

Given my lifelong commitment to diversity, I see this drive-by as proof that we can’t be locked in our shell of white supremacy. Immigrants, the more the merrier, enrich our lives by adding new sparkling facets to the diamond that is Britain.

Where the immigrants are from, what they believe and how they feel about the ambient civilisation is immaterial. We can all improve as persons by learning more about other cultures, especially those whose religion and philosophy of life may be different from ours.

Looking at the case in point, I’ve learned that raping Jewish girls in St John’s Wood, Finchley and Golders Green will alleviate the problems of the poor children in Gaza. I’m not sure about the exact mechanism of this interaction, but then I did tell you we don’t know enough about other cultures.

That I don’t understand the intricacies of interracial relationships, such as punitive rape, doesn’t mean that the chaps in those cars don’t either. They must have insights beyond the reach of white people, especially Jews and Christians, and that’s exactly why we need diversity.

However, humbled as I am to realise the depth of my ignorance, there is another thing I don’t understand. There I was, thinking that anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism were two different things. Being opposed to Israel is one thing, hating Jews is another.

Now, thanks to those Muslim chaps, I’ve learned they are one and the same. Even though half of the world’s Jews live outside Israel, they are directly responsible for the actions of the other half. And even if Israel were to disappear, as the Muslims dearly hope, and all Jews lived in the diaspora, they’d still be held responsible for something or other.

What warms the cockles of my multicultural heart is how all progressive people are united in their hatred of Israel. And the more progressive they are, the more they hate it. This stands to reason. After all, hatred – of the West, Christianity, capitalism, white people, you name it – is the prime mover of progress.

Greta Thunberg, for example, has forayed outside her sphere of abiding interest to say that both sides should desist from violence. Transposing that statement to North London, those Muslim lads should try not to rape Jewish girls but, if they can’t help themselves, the girls shouldn’t scratch and bite the lads. Equity all around.

In a parallel development vindicating diversity, two Muslims attacked a rabbi near his Essex synagogue, putting him into hospital. A soothing message sent by the congregation to its members explains – irrefutably! – that: “From the description of how the incident started, it does not, at this point appear to be an antisemitic attack.”

Of course not, perish the thought. Neither, one has to add for the sake of balance, was it philo-Semitic. It was yet another blow (actually, quite a few blows) struck for diversity, a concept so dear to every progressive heart. 

However, one has to admit with chagrin that Essex police described the incident in less conciliatory terms: “It is believed that two teenagers stepped out in front of the victim’s vehicle whilst he was driving, they shouted at him and spoke in a derogatory way about his religion before going on to damage his car…” … and then the driver.

I’m happy to see that even those capitalist hirings didn’t claim the assault was racially motivated. There is no place for racism in our society, and this incident proves it.

Hostility to religion, on the other hand, is commendable – provided the religion is Judaism or Christianity. Hostility to Islam is racism; hostility to the two offensive creeds is either progress or diversity, take your pick. Actually, you don’t have to choose: progress and diversity are inseparable.

Meanwhile, pro-Palestinian demonstrations are continuing in London and throughout the countries of the erstwhile Christian persuasion. They assert the Allah-given right of those eternal refugees to respond to the eviction of three Arab families in the West Bank by firing thousands of rockets at Israel’s residential quarters.

Since the reaction seems to be out of proportion to the action, one has to believe that the said eviction wasn’t so much the reason as the pretext. After all, those thousands of rockets are like Rome – they weren’t built in a day. They were built and stored over months, with those eternal refugees waiting for yet another affront to multiculturalism to let the missiles fly.

Typically, the demonstrators deny – justly! – the right of Israel to respond in kind in an attempt to defend its people against the march of progress. Raping those Finchley girls would be a natural extension of that noble campaign, as a simulacrum of what the Muslims and other progressives would like to do to Israel and then to the West at large.

Those Muslim lads are right: wholesale rape would indeed send a message, if perhaps different from the one intended. Long live diversity, I say.