Fiendish conspiracy uncovered

The world, as we know, is governed by beastly cabals operating in the shadows. They must all be parts of a single network.

So far we’ve been unable to prove any such links, which only goes to show how good those ghouls are at covering their tracks. Yet we can expose those cabals one by one.

I’ve done just that with the dastardly Leather-Trousers Cabal (LTC). The evidence for it is irrefutable, but no one but me has been able to see it – they saw but they didn’t observe, in Sherlock Holmes’s phrase.

Just look at the facts. Who’ll become France’s president in a fortnight? Manny Macron. Who is and will remain Britain’s PM? Theresa May.

Do you get it now? No? Slow on the uptake, aren’t you?

Manny is, as you know, married to Brigitte Trogneux, a woman 25 years his senior, who used to be his teacher at the Lycée Saint-Louis de Gonzague. The school is commonly known as ‘Franklin’, but for the moment we’ll overlook the obvious allusion to freemasonry.

According to Manny’s classmate, all the 15-year-old boys at the school were instantly smitten by the 40 year-old-mother of three because she – brace yourself – wore leather trousers. That’s the LT in the LTC!

It’s unclear why post-pubescent boys would be so impressed by that garment in a country where pornography was readily available at every corner. Yes, leather emphasises the part of a woman’s body the French call cul, as in cul-de-sac. But that by itself can’t explain the hypnotic effect.

Note that Brigitte, now looking every one of her 64 years, still sports leather trousers even though her cul is best left deemphasised. Obviously, that garment has another, secret significance, that of symbolising LTC membership.

Obviously Brigitte wangled her way into Franklin to talent-spot and cultivate a future political leader, one she could control like a puppet on a string. It’s to that end that she seduced the 15-year-old Manny, dumped her husband and three children for him and gradually elevated him all the way to the Palais de l’Élysée.

Still unsure? Then get your head around this: another sixtyish woman, Theresa May, was during the leadership campaign taken to task by her fellow Tories for wearing – you get it – leather trousers.

Nicky Morgan and her other colleagues knew perfectly well what that garment signified, but they couldn’t come out and say it outright for fear of LTC reprisals. So they singled out for criticism the £955 price of the trousers, pointing out that the Turkish workers who had made them earned £1.49 an hour.

But you and I won’t be blinded by this smokescreen. We know that the fiendish LTC is gaining control of two major European countries on the way to world domination. However, according to some key members of the Liberal Democratic party, it’s facing competition from another cabal.

In 2010, Mr Ashuk Ahmed received a British Community Honours Award at the House of Lords for being an “inspirational role model for British Muslims as part of mainstream society”.

Mr Ahmed proved he was just that by improving “social cohesion”, but that wasn’t his only contribution to Britain’s political health. That’s why the LibDems selected Mr Ahmed as their parliamentary candidate.

That honour has now been withdrawn, obviously because his party got cold feet about Mr Ahmed’s earth-shattering revelations. For, like me, he has uncovered another nefarious plot – and, like me, vouchsafed his findings to public media.

Both the Labour and Conservative parties, he found, are controlled by “Zionist paymasters”. And not only they: Mr Ahmed shared a video produced by a respectable group called AshkeNazi in which it exposed “the current takeover of the United States by the Jewish Ashkenazi tribe”.

ISIS, explained Mr Ahmed irrefutably, was created by “Jewish media and their gentile pawns” in order to “justify more slaughter”. Not many people know this, he continued, but ISIS actually stands for Israeli Secret Intelligence Service, which calls itself Mossad only as a subterfuge.

Remembering that a picture is worth a thousand words, Mr Ahmed published an authentic photograph of Israeli PM Netanyahu eating children, with blood running down his chin. The caption stated the obvious: “blood sucking leech”.

Mr Ahmed isn’t the only politician who has added a whole new dimension to the party devoted to liberal democracy. Former MP David Ward has also been purged for stating the obvious:

“At long last the Zionists are losing the battle – how long can the apartheid state of Israel last?” “The Jews,” he explained, are “inflicting atrocities on Palestinians”. Mr Ward wasn’t going to take this lying down: he said he’d “probably” personally fire a rocket at Israel given half the chance.

Messrs Ahmed and Ward have joined a long list of martyrs suffering for their convictions at the hands of the Jewish conspiracy that, by the looks of it, controls not only the two main parties but also the LibDems.

And if you think the Jewish plot has nothing to do with the LTC, consider this fact. Before entering politics, Manny Macron, expertly guided by his LT controller, had made millions working for – are you ready for this? – a Rothschild bank! Say no more.

Actually, I shall say more. Watch this place for upcoming articles “Donald Trump, a secret Hassid”, “Jews go hell for leather” and “Isn’t modern politics fun?”