Can you guess who I am?

I’ll give you a few tips, but I’m warning you – you’ll still have to connect the dots. So here goes:

Tip 1. I currently hold one of the most important political posts in the West.

Tip 2. My forename starts with a K. I didn’t say ‘Christian name’ because any link to Christianity is, well, I wouldn’t say abhorrent to me, but certainly uncool. Moreover, my use of such a committal term might offend much of my core support.

Tip 3. I’m a firm believer in a nationalised, universal health system. If it were up to me, I’d do away with private medical insurance altogether, but I need to consolidate my power before I can pull something like that off.

Tip 4. I’m opposed to hydrocarbon fuels as a matter of high principle.

I firmly believe that all offshore drilling must be summarily stopped, fracking must be banned, nuclear power stations phased out, and all energy must be supplied by solar panels and wind farms. What if the sun doesn’t shine and the wind doesn’t blow? Trust you to ask that subversive question.

You miss the point. It’s not about energy supply, and it certainly isn’t about the science behind the idea of global warming. I don’t care if the science is wonky, and I don’t even care if we’ll have to freeze in the dark from time to time. It’s not about such trivial things, is it? It’s about human virtue and a way of signalling it loud and clear.

Yes, my stance may result in us importing more hydrocarbon energy produced elsewhere. But let those other countries show how backward they are.

Tip 5. I think our police are institutionally racist. If you don’t believe me, just look at the proportion of racial minorities in the prison population. What better proof of racial bias do you need? I’m sympathetic to the idea of defunding the police, but, whether or not we go that far, their power to harass minority people must be curtailed.

Tip 6. I’m in favour of expanding the franchise as much as we can. For a start, prisoners should get the vote. Their right to vote trumps their victims’ right to keep their property or indeed life.

Tip 7. This one is less concrete than the others. It’s more in the nature of a credo, a statement of faith. I believe the government should spend much more than it does, and if that involves raising taxes, then so be it. You see, the more a central state spends of its citizens’ money, the more power it acquires over them. That has to be a good thing.

That’s it. How are you doing so far? Have you established my identity yet? I’ll give you five more seconds.

Here comes the buzzer. Ready? Good, let’s hear it.

If you guessed that I’m Sir Keir Starmer, congratulations. You have a sound knowledge of politics, and you’ve been following press reports with unflagging attention.

However, congratulations are also in order if you guessed I’m Kamala Harris. You are right, all those tips lead to me as surely as to Sir Keir. And oh, by the way, my forename is stressed on the first syllable. If you put the accent anywhere else, you are a bigot, ignoramus or Donald Trump.

Here ends our game, which really has no winners. It does, however, have plenty of losers: almost 400 million of them if you combine the populations of Britain and the US. Or twice as many if we recall that just about every other Western country is cursed with similar leaders pursuing similarly wicked and even suicidal policies.

Now on a seemingly unrelated subject: the obscene Walpurgisnacht called the opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics plumbed new depths of depravity.

As part of the entertainment offered for the benefit of retards the world over, the pageant featured a scene of 18 half-naked drag queens mocking Last Supper, as rendered by Leonardo.

One degenerate in the middle had a halo over his/her/its head. Another, a man who is probably transitioning (or should be if he isn’t), was painted blue and had only vine leaves covering his genitals that hadn’t yet been removed.    

Why did I call this subject seemingly unrelated? Because it really isn’t. Never mind the blasphemy of that disgusting show – few people do nowadays. But even atheists should cringe at the armour-piercing tastelessness and vulgarity of it. To the applause of the baying throng, that scene throws a bucketful of faeces at the aesthetic picture lovingly assembled over centuries by discerning and talented men.

A quick surf through the net shows that only pious Christians seem to have found anything wrong there. Most people accept that sort of thing as par for the course. But the course is charted to lead to the civilisational rocks just over the horizon.

As all that was going on, the skies opened and a mighty rain came down on that parade, drenching the performers, athletes and gawpers alike. Perhaps God was trying to tell them something.