Alexander's picture

If there’s one thing that can turn me off Ukip…

A friend of mine has forwarded an e-mail he received from a Ukip supporter of Putin.

This saddened me, since enthusiasm for perverse Russian regimes reflects the kind of moral and intellectual failure that traditionally has been the preserve of the left.

Now Ukip, the flag-bearer of conservatism in Britain, is trying to encroach on the territory signposted by several generations of ‘useful idiots’.

Alexander's picture

A grovelling plea to Ukip

Our non-conservative Conservatives (otherwise known as the Tory party) can sense that the gravy train of power may just depart without them on board.

Why-oh-why, they wring their hands, does every poll point at a hung parliament and a likely Labour-SNP coalition? Haven’t the Tories done well for the economy? Doesn’t the public – even Labour public! – find Miliband to be an unfunny joke? So why?!?

It’s so simple, chaps, that even you should be able to understand it. British conservatives feel no kinship with today’s Conservative party.

Alexander's picture

David Starkey isn’t a real homosexual

A good friend has solicited my opinion on David Starkey, and for once I had none to offer.

I never watch ‘serious’ programmes on TV, precisely because the modifier invariably requires quotation commas. Moreover, frequent presence on TV tends to put me off a chap’s other activities, such as his books.

Hence my ignorance of Dr Starkey’s work and life story, beyond the more salient details that even those who don’t watch much TV can’t fail to absorb from ambient air.

Alexander's picture

The Turks have the nerve to protest

Pope Francis described the 1915 slaughter of Armenians in Turkey as genocide, which is exactly the right word to use.

Yet the Turks are up in arms, screaming spurious objections to their little peccadillo being described that way. The number of 1.5 million victims on which most historians agree is an overestimate, they claim in their defence.

Alexander's picture

Ukip support is plummeting in the most reliable poll

At the risk of sounding immodest, this unquestionably trustworthy poll is conducted by me – and on me.

The lamentably narrow sample admittedly discourages any far-reaching generalisations, but at least the poll’s reliability can’t be faulted.

Hence it’s on unimpeachable authority that I can announce the changing fortunes of Ukip, if only within this limited group of one.

If not so long ago Ukip polled 100 per cent among me, it’s now losing ground to a most dangerous opponent: ‘none of the above’.

Alexander's picture

How I scooped The Mail on Clegg

Yesterday this venerable newspaper published an article claiming that that Nick Clegg’s Russian great-aunt, of whom he is notoriously proud, was a whore in the employ of the Bolshevik secret police:

Alexander's picture

Dramatic breakthrough in Litvinenko murder case

Since 2006, when Alexander Litvinenko died of polonium poisoning, the case has been treated as murder.

And not just any old murder but one commissioned by my friend Vlad, who, if Peter Hitchens is to be believed, represents the world’s last bulwark of conservative, Christian values.

Conversely, anyone who denies that Vlad is any such thing can only do so out of malignant Russophobia, and that goes for some Russians as well.

Alexander's picture

The day has come: I agree with Tony Blair

Tony may not be the worst prime minister we’ve ever had: one or two others, Dave among them, are firmly in contention for that honour.

But he is easily the most disgusting, a feature that’s blown up to grotesque proportions by his talent for self-publicity.

If a revolting individual wanted to appear half-decent, he’d be well-advised to keep a low profile and his mouth shut. But my friend Tony isn’t like that, is he?

Alexander's picture

Welby confuses Christ with Tolstoy

In the midst of the wholesale murder of Christians by Muslims, the Archbishop of Canterbury has called on Christians not to use violence in self-defence.

This entreaty was a veiled reference to the Sermon on the Mount, specifically Matthew 5:39, where Jesus talks about turning the other cheek. It was also yet another demonstration of His Grace’s dubious grasp of theology.

For talking about nonviolence in this context isn’t just bad geopolitics. It’s also bad Christianity.

Alexander's picture

No argument this time, just best wishes

Usually on this most joyous day of the year I write a longish piece, wishing my readers a Happy Easter – regardless of whether or not they are Christians.

The point I always make is that there is enough in this event even for non-believers to celebrate, for without it our civilisation wouldn’t exist, and my readers, regardless of their religion, are civilised people.


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